Just because...

...I never show him how much I REALLY appreciate him.

My husband is my rock when I need strength, my comedian when I need to laugh, my friend when I need to vent, my sanity when I just need a "break", and a sweet reminder of what I want for the rest of my life.

I wish I could put in to words how truly amazing you are. You work 12 hour days... or day after day after day with the only complaints being heat and not being challenged enough. I cannot wait to see what else you accomplish with that mind of yours. I never want you to worry about the love and infatuation your children have for you. Trust me, the only reason they seem like "mommy's girls and boy" is because I secretly give them smarties and cookies :) I will never be able to grasp how in the world you deal with me. An over-tired, cranky mommy that wants so badly to be everything you deserve. You are the son and brother I pray Hunter will become. You are such an incredible role model for our children.. spiritually, comically, and personally.

You needed this to be all about you for a change and also just because!

You think I would be good at this by now

Goodbye's are apart of our life, I get it. But, I feel like someone has kicked me in the stomach and now I can't even catch my breath.  I hate this feeling! I know this feeling! Exactly a year ago we said our goodbye's to Jake as he headed off to Afghanistan. I was 3 months pregnant with the girls and Hunter was 9 months old and just starting to walk. Fast forward to late last night and we ALL said our goodbye's to Jake yet again. This time it was sudden. There was no time to mentally prepare for this(if that's even possible) and there was no time to enjoy the last few moments with my husband. Jake put each baby to bed to say his last goodnight for awhile and then packed up to head to base. I think I was still in denial when I kissed him goodbye.

Today was supposed to be an exciting day. My mom and grandma flew in for a little vacation to see the babies(and Jake and I). Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled and so very thankful that they are here now because who knows how I would've handled all of this on my own with 3 babies. But, Jake's gone. My husband was not here when I woke and he won't be here when I go to bed. He wasn't here to help put the girls to sleep or to read Hunter his bedtime book. I don't think I am ready to go back to a life without Jake in it. We didn't get enough time to enjoy him home.

Let's skip ahead a couple days...

My mind has been everywhere! I finally decided we WILL come back to Oklahoma while Jake is gone. With the media and the lack of information on Jake's end, we just don't know how long this deployment is going to be. This seemed like it was going to be an easy and quick mission for them, but the way I see it in the news makes me worry, ALOT! We didn't have any news coverage of Afghanistan, but hearing them talk about Jake's ship and his unit gives me a little bit of anxiety(not the angry kind Jake).

I will try to blog as much as I can from Owasso and also try to fill you in on any information regarding Jake(within reason due to security), but I want to thank you all for your prayers already. You don't understand how much we appreciate them or how powerful they are for my husband and his unit!

Flying to Dallas in the morning then driving the rest of the way with my mom and dad! Can't wait to see all our family and friends and hopefully enjoy some nice weather!! (it better not snow)