...on your heart and your mind.
When Hunter was born I literally felt my heart grow. Then when Emma and Riley came into our lives my heart almost felt the need to burst. I also felt my mind filling up at the same time. "To-do" lists for everything I need for us to function, my OCD multiplying, and the my ongoing worry and fear for the safety of MY children. Sometimes my heart seems more manageable than my mind.
My heart handles the following questions. How can I love three sweet, innocent babies?? How will I show them love every single day no matter what kind of day they might throw at me?? And the biggest one, how will I have time to show my husband how much I still love him!?!?
First off, I think loving more than one child just comes naturally. There's no "trying" to love any one child more than the other, you just love them. Second, I have learned/still learning how to show love every single day no matter how stressed I may be, no matter how cranky one is/all are. When I brought the girls home from the hospital I had an enormous support system. Jake still had a little over a month left in Afghanistan so not only did I have my family and Jake's family close by(we were living with my parents in OK during the deployment/pregnancy) but I had my wonderful Aunt and Cousin from Texas come up and help with literally EVERYTHING. I was also blessed with my Nana Calaway staying with me and the 3 kiddos for 6(long)weeks. She was even with us up until we were moved in to our house in North Carolina. I am eternally grateful for all that she did for us. To be honest, I was terrified the day EVERYONE left us in North Carolina and when Jake had to return to work. But, I managed and I am still managing with all 3 babies at once.
Now, for question number 3. How will I show my husband how much I still love him? This one is tough and something I struggle with still. I try to tell him as often as possible, but I find it hard to switch from mommy mode to wife mode. I am "on call" as a mommy 24/7 but I forget that I am a wife too, so once I master this one I'll blog about it!
For my mind, my "to-do" lists will forever be apart of me, I actually enjoy them. They help organize my mind and remind me of the things I continually forget. My OCD has actually calmed since having two more babies, but mostly because I physically don't have time to sanitize every thing they come in contact with . The order of my house is a compulsion I cannot ignore, no matter how exhausted I am. It drives my poor husband crazy. Finally, worry and fear for my children... something I know I'll never rid myself of. But, I need to learn how to control it and make it a positive. Fear of their safety can help me to be continually grateful to God for them being in my life. I still to this day check on Hunter, who is almost 2 years old, while he's sleeping(like most mothers). Whether it's a nap running long or before I go to bed at night, I have to see all three of them breathing with my own eyes. Another thing that drives my husband crazy! But this will continue until they are grown and out of the house... if not forever. (Their future spouses might not appreciate this)
I came across this blog through Facebook the other day, and many of you may have seen my post of it on there already but I wanted to post it again, on here. If you read her older posts you can understand the full story. <---click here.
My intentions in posting this are not to make you sad or to cry, even though it is impossible not to feel sadness for this mommy, but to possibly open your eyes. This mother's strength and courage has opened mine as well as my heart. Whether you are already a mommy or soon to be, be thankful. Be calm when your child/children is/are driving you crazy, and just sit and pray. I have been doing this more often throughout the day because I know that by doing so I can be a better mommy to these three sweet blessings.
You are incredible! :)
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